Previously I wrote about the Being+Doing Dilemma. We feel as though we need to do and want to be. This is a closer look at how these two seemingly opposing forces can be reconciled. The expansive news: what allows for the alleviation of the tension can be brought to bear on most all instances involving diametrically opposing force. This is supported by The Law of Three which has been most widely spread through Gurdjieff’s work.
As a starting point it will help to name a few contextual and foundational aspects of the Law of Three and why it is important. As the name implies it involves three dimensions, each of these dimensions can be understood as an energy or animating force. The categories of these energies are: affirming, denying, and reconciling.
The affirming or active energy brings something forth, or supports a process continuing. For example, the affirming energy that gives life to an oyster.
The second, denying, is the friction, impediment or otherwise energy of resistance to this affirming force. In our example, a particle of sand or broken piece of shell that finds its way inside the oyster.
The final and third animating force of reconciling is what allows these two oppositional energies to meet in such a way that they manifest or distill an entirely new possibility. In our example the reconciling force of the oyster’s nacre secretion brings forth a pearl.
This same underlying principle allows being and doing to no longer be at odds with each other, but rather be ingredients in forming something new. Instead of being, feeling undermined by doing or, doing thwarted by being when we introduce a third entity: receptivity, what is created and allowed for is becoming.
The physicist Niels Bohr captured this principle as: contraria sunt complementa – contraries fulfil one another.
Being doesn’t just tolerate doing; it requires the tension of doing to become what it is. And vice versa. The harmonizing of the two allows a new mode that is stronger, more generative, and manifest than merely trying to hold them in balance. It is a creation of mutual completion through a third force of receptivity.
What does this look like in life?
We want to experience “being,” an easefulness to life. Our to-do list thrusts us into action – doing. The push-pull dances between these two poles. When we introduce a third energy or ingredient – receptivity – what takes shape is our becoming. No longer are we attempting to only ‘be’ or ‘do’ but we transition into becoming. Becoming is inherent in our nature as human beings, and it is a process in which we can actively participate. Receptivity is the capacity or quality of presence that allows us to be-in-the-experience of our doing – to notice the impact of our engagement. We are experientially aware of the impact of our actions. This allows us to connect to the mood of the moment, and as we’re influenced by that contact, to shift how we engage.
For example, cleaning the bathtub. One way is to leave it on the list and not engage with it as it disrupts me “being.” I could jump into and get it done as hastily as possible so I can move on to the next thing. I could also include receptivity, take in that I am engaging in action that allows for cleanliness to be more present, take in the aromas of natural selected cleaners, and appreciate that space I am creating for whomever will use the tub. I connect to the meaning of the contribution I am making. In this endeavor what is becoming is a state of connection, meaning, contribution alongside a clean space imbued with love.
Or consider the leader with more to do than time allows. The affirming force is their energetic engagement – vision, drive, commitment to the work. The denying force is time itself – finite, unyielding, indifferent to ambition. The common responses: push harder until burnout, or dilute focus across everything and accomplish nothing deeply.
The third force could be the energy of loss. Allowing in the feeling that something needs to be let go which could include a sense of accomplishment or proving. This would show up as a speech act of declaration. “We are doing this. We are not doing that.” A declaration doesn’t negotiate with time or diminish engagement – it creates a new reality through language. What becomes is neither diminished ambition nor expanded hours, but clarity. Strategic or value-aligned commitment. The team knows where to pour their energy because the leader has spoken something into existence that wasn’t there before.
The loss is the nacre. Clarity is the pearl.
In both cases the inclusion of a third capacity or energy creates something new. Receptivity, loss, surrender, attention, love – these are all possible third forces. The art is discerning which one a given situation calls for. Third forces abound and we seldom look for them or invoke them intentionally.
- What is a current polarization you are experiencing?
- What third entity could allow for something new to be created?
- How will you include it?
FAQs
Q1: What exactly is the “Law of Three” and where does it come from?
The Law of Three is a philosophical principle, most widely spread through the work of G.I. Gurdjieff, a spiritual teacher of the early 20th century. It posits that all phenomena involve three distinct energies or forces: affirming (active), denying (resistant), and reconciling (transformative). Rather than seeing opposites as enemies to be balanced, this law suggests they are necessary ingredients for creating something entirely new.
Q2: How is “becoming” different from just balancing being and doing?
Balance implies holding two opposing forces in static equilibrium. Becoming is dynamic—it’s what emerges when you introduce a third force (like receptivity, loss, or attention) that allows the tension between being and doing to transform into something generative. Instead of managing a trade-off, you’re creating a new state where the two opposites actually fuel each other’s evolution.
Q3: Can you give more examples of “third forces” besides receptivity and loss?
Certainly. The article mentions several possibilities: surrender, attention, and love. In practice, a third force might also be patience, curiosity, playfulness, gratitude, or even grief. The key is discerning which third energy the specific situation calls for. A creative block might yield to playfulness; a conflict might need curiosity; burnout might require surrender.
Q4: This sounds abstract. How do I actually apply this to my daily life?
Start by naming your current polarization. What are the two opposing forces you’re experiencing? (e.g., “I want rest” vs. “I must work”) Then ask: “What third quality, if I brought it in right now, would allow something new to emerge?” It might be receptivity—noticing how the work feels in your body. It might be playfulness—finding joy in the task itself. Experiment with different third forces and observe what becomes possible.
Q5: What does it mean that “loss is the nacre”?
In the oyster metaphor, nacre is the secretion that coats the irritating grain of sand to create a pearl. When the leader in the example allows in the feeling of loss—accepting that some things must be let go—that acceptance acts like nacre. It doesn’t eliminate the tension of limited time, but it transforms it. The “pearl” that emerges is clarity: the leader can now make clear declarations about what the team will and won’t pursue. The loss becomes the material from which clarity is made.
Q6: Is this about eliminating tension, or working with it?
Working with it. The article emphasizes that the tension between opposites isn’t a problem to solve—it’s the very condition that allows transformation. Being doesn’t just tolerate doing; it requires doing’s tension to become fully itself. The goal isn’t to make life frictionless; it’s to allow friction to become generative through the introduction of a third force.
About the Author
Adam Klein is a dedicated leader committed to creating a more just, sustainable, creative, and loving world. He brings a wealth of experience to NVW, having previously supported the creation of a first-in-class business solution to combat global slavery and had a key role in re-launching a San Francisco Bay Area center for integral spiritual formation. At NVW, Adam focuses on integrating the organization’s purpose and bringing it to fruition. He oversees strategy, technology, and the flow of various internal work streams while also supporting graduates and ensuring ICF compliance. Adam is a driving force behind the Professional Coaching Course, regularly leading the program and hosting orientation events in San Francisco. He is also the creator and host of the NVW podcast “Stepping In” and runs his own business coaching leaders and individuals.